You Are There
|Written By = Chris Black |Story By = |Teleplay By = |Directed By = John Laing |Order in Series = 125 of 134 |Order in Season = 13 of 22 |Order in Franchise= 294 of 304 |Prev Episode in Series = "The God You Know" |Next Episode in Series = "Path of Vengeance" |Prev Episode in Franchise = "The God You Know" |Next Episode in Franchise = "Path of Vengeance" |title cap image = }} In an ancient world meets modern-day satire, a tabloid TV reporter stalks Xena and Company, determined to get a juicy scoop on the Warrior Princess. Summary A montage is shown as Xena and Gabrielle leave Greece and head to the Norselands. Odin's raven spots them and reports it to Valhalla. Gabrielle and Xena meet with Beowulf in a Norse tavern. Beowulf is no longer lovestruck with Gabrielle, and Xena asks him to help their quest to see Odin. Valkyries arrive with orders to keep Xena away from Odin, and a battle begins. Outside the tavern, a TV host named Nigel appears with his camera crew and soundman. He watches as the Valkyries are flung from the tavern. He attempts to interview Xena in front of the tavern. Nigel, walking outside of the tavern, directs his attention to the camera, introducing the duality of Xena and previewing the upcoming nighttime studio interview. In the studio, Xena and Gabrielle reluctantly receive their makeup and microphones, and Nigel begins the interview. He commands the interview, directing Xena to her past misdeeds in the Norseland, and blaming her for the acts of Grinhilda. He focuses on Xena's acts during the Twilight of the Gods and the acts of her daughter Eve as Livia. He angers Xena with his belief that she intends to kill Odin and become a god. Gabrielle ends the interview, and they storm off the set. This pleases Nigel. Nigel's next interviewee is Charon, on the shores of the River Styx in Hades. Charon lists off a few of the heavy-hitters killed by Xena in admiration of her. Caligula, waiting in line, interrupts, wishing for his boat to the Underworld. Nigel directs his interview to Caligula, who is angry at having to wait. When Xena comes up, Caligula gets immersed in the interview, discussing his feelings on her relationship, urge to kill, and problems with her entire sex, before he is thrown into the river by Charon. Back in the studio, Nigel interviews an "anonymous source" from Valhalla in a cloak of invisibility. The source states his belief that Xena wants the Golden Apples to make herself a goddess, before Nigel unmasks the source with the knowledge that only Odin has the power to be invisible. Making himself visible, Odin orders all Norsemen to stop Xena from entering Valhalla at any cost. More information from Odin includes his belief that Ares is involved and she wants to restore him to Mount Olympus, along with herself, and he destroys much of the set as the interview ends. Back in the field, Nigel summarizes the events before rushing in on Gabrielle with questions on Ares and Xena's relationship. He gets beaten into the mud with no answers. His next stop is at Ares' shack, where he attempts to interview the mortal Ares. Drunk, Ares scoffs at the idea of Xena becoming his queen. After mentioning that other Greek gods escaped the Twilight, Nigel hears a voice and storms into the dilapidated shack. There, he finds Xena and is thrown out by Ares. Somehow, Nigel conducts an interview with the Archangel Michael in Heaven. Michael admits his distrust at Xena and her motives, talking about the events surrounding the corruption of Lucifer. Ending the interview, Nigel falls out of Heaven. Falling thousands of feet into Hell, and landing unharmed, where he attempts to interview Lucifer. Lucifer, calling himself "the Devil," is confused at Nigel's motives, and attempts to leave until Nigel mentions Xena. The mention of Xena in his kingdom angers Lucifer mightily, bringing up her lying nature, and he attacks Nigel personally, knowing he'll one day have the pleasure of torturing him in Hell. Nigel passes out at the conclusion of the interview. Back in the mortal realm, Nigel interrupts a prayer circle of the followers of Eli as he attempts to interview Eve. Uncharacteristically, Eve reacts angrily to Nigel's questions, many of her words being bleeped out, before she punches out Nigel and storms away. Replaying the interview, Nigel is back in his studio, where he reveals Gabrielle as his sole interviewee. She laughs off the idea of a relationship between Ares and Xena, even after being shown a montage of Xena and Ares kissing. Nigel asks Gabrielle point blank if she is in love with Xena. She directly answers, stating "I don't love Xena." Nigel is thrown back by the comment when Xena storms into the closed set. When Nigel asks the same question of Xena, she gives him the pinch and tells him there is no more love in the world, and she intends to bring it back. She calls out Odin and leaves the studio. Leaving the set, Gabrielle and Xena fight over the details of the plan. They soon realize their fighting, need to restore love, and Gabrielle asks nicely for the details of the plan. Nigel conducts his field interview out at a Norse tavern, where the brothel business is booming. The madam is too busy taking numbers at first to realize she's being interviewed. Nigel's belief that love still exists in some form is dashed by the madam who states that love is bad for business. Nigel spots Ares in the tavern and he storms out. Nigel arrives at a cave where another anonymous source wishes to meet him. Standing in a robe, the source claims that Xena wishes to restore another god, other than Ares, to Olympus. She doesn't specify any further, for fear of Odin discovering her betrayal. The source becomes annoyed at Nigel's attempts to discover who the god is and she attempts to end the interview. She claims to have been saved by Xena and gives Nigel a hint as to who next he needs to interview: "Follow the love." Following the love, Nigel's next field interview is with the former goddess Aphrodite, who is being mobbed by former followers wishing to love again. When they get rid of the followers, the interview discusses Aphrodite's dealings with Caligula, her mortal status, and the mob of followers. Aphrodite becomes upset about a line on her face and then discusses her inability to restore love to the world. Nigel and Aphrodite arrive at the bottom of Valhalla, where they find Gabrielle and Beowulf. Nigel asks for Xena's whereabouts when he learns of Xena and Odin's epic battle in Valhalla. He learns of her lack of god-killing power as they anticipate the outcome of the battle. Nigel recaps the facts of Xena's battle with Odin as he, Aphrodite, Beowulf, and Gabrielle wait outside of Valhalla. Xena exits Valhalla with Odin at swordpoint and the Golden Apples in hand. Nigel is dumbstruck when Ares shows up and she gives him, not Aphrodite, the apple to restore his godhood. Upon receiving godhood, Ares blows up some rocks and tempts Xena to become a god with him. Although she feigns interest, Xena gives the apple to Aphrodite, restoring love to the world. Xena gives the remaining apples back to Odin as Ares and Aphrodite return home to Olympus. Grinhilda is then revealed as the source of Xena's entry into Valhalla. Back in the studio, Nigel interviews Grinhilda and Xena. Grinhilda reveals herself as Nigel's second anonymous source and Xena specifies the need for both love and hate, which is why she restored Ares to godhood as well as Aphrodite. Grinhilda leaves to deal with Odin's wrath. The Elijans are next interviewed in the studio, with Eve strongly insisting that Nigel flagellate all of them for their sins. reveals herself as Nigel's second anonymous source.]] On his throne, Ares concludes his storyline with sadness at the difference between the present Olympus vs. the pre-Twilight Olympus. For his final field interview, Nigel sits across from Xena and Gabrielle in the Norse tavern. His final question, "Are you two lovers?" is strongly rebuffed by Xena until Gabrielle insists they should answer the question. As Xena answers the question, static hits the screen as the camera undergoes technical difficulties. Disclaimer : The concept of linear time was severely harmed during the making of this motion picture. Background Information * Before his interview is over, Charon calls out Hercules for never paying for passage across the River Styx. That was a running gag in Charon's encounters with Hercules – starting way back in Hercules in the Underworld. Interestingly, the only time Charon and Xena met onscreen (in "Mortal Beloved") she explicitly didn't pay her fare. Instead, Charon refers her payment as a form of his gratitude to which Xena helped in recovering the Helmet of Hades. * Just as Xena is about to fully explain her relationship with Gabrielle, Nigel's camera cuts out. This pokes fun at fans' frequent debates and questions over the true nature of their relationship. *This is the last appearance of Charles Mesure (Archangel Michael) on the series. *This episode has been described as a clip show of sorts since Lucy and Renee did not have a great deal of screen time. The "clips" became file photos, artist's renderings, as well as some clips Nigel showed on his small monitor. *It is never revealed what modern-day reporter Nigel is doing in Xena's time period during this episode, or, for that matter, why everyone appears to understand what he is up to and what his technology is. *Joel Tobeck (Strife/Deimos) plays the part of Lucifer in this episode. It is Tobeck's final appearance on the series. *This episode marks the final on-camera appearance of Michael Hurst, and his first Xena episode since season two's "The Quest". *This is Adrienne Wilkinson's favorite Eve related episode, as she got to play something a little different than passive Eve or warrior Livia. *Michael Hurst, who played Nigel, was the actor who usually played the part of Charon. Due to time restrictions filming the episode, he was not able to play Charon for this story. The actor who replaced him was a friend of his who was very careful to play the part in the same style, including the voice mimicking the classic comedic actor Jimmy Durante. *Although bizarre, this episode is actually relevant to the overarching plot and follows directly from the events of "The God You Know," carrying on the story of Caligula, Aphrodite, Eve, and Michael. It also carries on story arcs from the following episodes: ** "Old Ares Had a Farm" (Ares' life in his shack) ** "Return of the Valkyrie" (the activities of Odin, Grinhilda, and Beowulf following the Norse trilogy) ** "Heart of Darkness" (Lucifer's anger at the events of this episode) Memorable Quotations "Hey, watch where you put your hands!" "Yeah, you watch where you put your hands, buddy!" :-'Gabrielle' and Xena to the microphone grip. "Oh, there's one more thing I'd like to say. At least Xena pays her fare, unlike another so-called superhero I know. More like super-cheapskate. That's right, I'm talkin' about you, Hercules." (growls) "Hercules." :–'Charon' "You know, you're a real pain. I can't wait to get you down here." "With respect, sir, that's not going to happen. You see, I'm not a murdering warlord, no, no, no, I'm, uh... I'm an award-winning investigative journalist. I'm a member of the fifth estate." "Like I said, I can't wait to get my claws into you." :-'Lucifer' and Nigel "And you little ! If my mother is with Ares, you can bet she's got a pretty ing good reason!" "Are you still jealous that Ares was obsessed with your mother the entire time he was sleeping with you?" "You ing brat!" "Hey, get off! Get off me!" "Stay the hell away from my mother! You stay the away from me, or I will kick your ing !" "Not the kind of words you'd expect to hear, from Eve, the messenger of Eli. Whatever happened to walking the path of light, Eve?!" " off!" :-'Eve' and Nigel using unexpected language. "I'm trying to get laid, I'm not a criminal!" :-'Ares' to Nigel as he's chased out of a bordello. Links and References Special Guest Star * Michael Hurst (as Nigel) Guest Starring * Adrienne Wilkinson (as Eve) * Alexandra Tydings (as Aphrodite) * Renato Bartolomei (as Beowulf) * Alexander Petersons (as Odin) * with Alexis Arquette (as Caligula) * and Kevin Smith as Ares Co-Starring * Charles Mesure as Michael * Luanne Gordon as Grinhilda * Peter Rowley as Charon * Joel Tobeck as Lucifer * Loren Horsley as Valkyrie 1 * Celia Nicholson as Madam * John Clarke as Man Uncredited * Roger Morrisey as Grinhilda (archival footage from "The Rheingold") References People *Marc Antony *Julius Caesar *Callisto *Elanus *Frigga *Velasca *Hercules (last) Locations *'Heaven' *'Hell' *'Mount Olympus' *'Norseland' *'River Styx' *'Valhalla' Other *'Cloak of Invisibility' *'Golden Apples' Season Navigation de:Heute sind wir live bei...Xena und Gabrielle! Category:Parody Episodes Category:Episodes not set in Greece Category:Modern setting episodes Category:XWP Season 6 episodes Category:Episodes Featuring Ares Category:Episodes Featuring Aphrodite